Glee Spoiler Alert: 8 Things You Must Know About Next Week's Sex-cellent Episode, 'The First Time'

Glee Spoiler Alert: 8 Things You Must Know About Next Week’s Sex-cellent Episode, ‘The First Time’

Glee rebounds mightily from Tuesday’s subpar “Pot O’ Gold’ episode with next week’s stellar sexual rite of passage-themed “First Time,” which finds two of the show’s supercouples — Rachel and Finn, and Kurt and Blaine — going all the way. But the standout episode isn’t all about getting it on. It’s alsoabout…

1. Talking about getting it on. During a West Side Story rehearsal, director Artie tells Rachel and Blaine that they lack passion as Maria and Tony, then guesses that maybe they’ve never, you know, done it. “How do you expect to convey the human experience to an audience when you haven’t even opened yourself up to one of humanity’s most basic and primal needs?” he asks. Fun fact: We also learn Rachel and Kurt aren’t the only McKinley-ites in the Virgin Club: Coach Bieste and Blaine are also waiting for the right guy. Speaking of which…

2. Bieste and her new football recruiter boyfriend (played by Eric Bruskotter). They’re super-sweet together. So super-sweet, in fact, that it’s going to really suck when she finds out about this.

3. The arrival of Sebastian. No sooner does Grant Gustin’s gay Warbler debut than he sets his sights on Blaine. And what he wants, I suspect he’ll get: He’s got charisma to spare and tons of chemistry with Darren Criss. Fun fact: He’s not the only obstacle to Klaine sex — the other is Kurt’s wardrobe. Specifically, “All of his layers.”

4. The opening night of West Side Story. I did mention that that was coming up, right? Right. So it won’t be a huge surprise that much of the hour’s play list comes from the musical. My fave: Lea Michele and Naya Rivera rendition of “A Boy Like That,” which is cleverly intercut with Sebastian doing some hardcore flirting with Blaine.

5. Karofsky’s return. When Sebastian invites Kurt and Blaine out to local gay haunt Scandal, Kurt runs into his old nemesis at the bar. Apparently, transferring to a new school has done wonders for the bully’s disposition. He’s mellowed out considerably and coming to grips with his sexuality. It’s my favorite scene of the episode and should fire up those Kurt-Karofsky ‘shippers out there (and I know you’re out there).

6. Santana’s putdown. The snarkiest Cheerio gets the episode’s best line when she urges Rachel not to do the deed with Finn because, well, he’s a lousy lay. “Finn is terrible in bed. It was like being smothered by a sweaty, out of breath sack of potatoes that somebody soaked in body spray.” Fun fact: Brittany called Artie by the wrong name four times when he lost her virginity to her.

7. Kurt’s bucket list. No. 87 on it? “To become CEO of Logo.”

8. Finchel and Klaine sex. Ultimately, both couples do the deed, and it’s romantic, tasteful and all very satisfying. (For the kissing-conscious Klaine ’shippers, there’s one significant smooch, but it does not take place during The Act.) Finchelcourse, meanwhile, comes on the heels Finn receiving some bad news, but I would hardly call it pity sex. Again, you will be pleased. Maybe not as pleased as Finn. But pleased.

Got Qs about “The First Time” that weren’t answered above? Email ‘em to me at askausiello@tvline.com or tweet me at @MichaelAusiello.